Archive for Obama

There is a higher power…Crocs to go out of business!

Posted in Hate with tags , , , , , , , , on July 27, 2009 by circuitspec

Crocs – the shoe for the kind of person who thinks books are too wordy, or thinks that putting something on your feet that doesn’t make you look like an asylum inmate is for other people – has recently posted that their financial future may not be looking so bright. Which is great. Because now people can go back to wearing proper shoes. And don’t give me that crap about “non skid” or “comfortable” or even “feet could breathe”. You’re not 4. You’re allowed to have laces and buckles and things that are confusing to other species on your feet. You’re allowed to buy grown-up person shoes. I don’t care if they’re comfortable. They make you look like a low-functioning elf.

From the report: The company said it is in discussion to replace its current revolving credit facility, which matures on April 2, but if it cannot secure additional financing and continues to lose money, “we may be unable to maintain a level of liquidity necessary to continue operating our business,”

Not even Mario Batali – who refuses to take off his orange Crocs – can really get away with wearing them. Not even Jared Leto – who has been sporting a pair of silver(!) Crocs – can get away with wearing them. Crocs are the bane of human existence and should be outlawed already if they were not about to go out of business. One day, people will look back and say “wow. those things suuuure looked terrible”. Much like the powdered wig, the fake mole, and the fact that no-one bathed in the 1700’s, future generations will look back and say “Those rubber shoes with the holes in them were for upper middle class people? What the f**k? Was that really necessary?”. It’s not like people who needed them could really get them, either. Not like you saw hobos wandering the streets in the affordable rubber shoes. Because a) they had friggin holes in them and b) I’d rather wear a boot with a floppy sole, too, if I was given the choice. Crocs are the single worst thing to come out of fashion in the 2000’s. We are not all Danish people from the future. We are not all Lilliput people, toiling away in the bubble gum mines in our brightly colored fancy rubber shoes.

America. Despite my rants, it IS in fact superior. Part 1 – The Arrival

Posted in Hate with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 8, 2009 by circuitspec

Well my faithful haters, I’ve decided to go ahead and grace your ever-so-hungry eyeballs with more of my absolutely amazing words. In one of my previous blogs, you may recall my rantings on how absolutely ignorant, and quite frankly, stupid many Americans can be. Let it be known, despite our social…and ever growing physical short comings we still are the greatest nation on this God forsaken planet.

Before I even bother to equip my flame suit, many would ask…what prompted this sudden declaration of patriotism? Simply put, I’ve been able to do, what only so many Americans dream of. I’ve recently returned from abroad. I’ve met many different people. Some very open to dialogue, others who frankly don’t give a shit, drunk Finnish people, Scots, Brits, Italians…but no other people on this planet thus far cease to not only piss me off, but further solidify my burning hatred then whom?…

….The French.

You know, it’s a damn shame that these people have been blessed the amazing real estate they call home. Never in my existence, have I locked horns with more self-righteous, rude and pompous people. So, as an American, just WTF was I doing there? Well, here it goes…

A fellow hater, and comrade in arms Mitch McKee of VE Engineering and myself set out from the United States to this ever-hostile territory for a few reasons. Mitch, being the world renowned ECU Tuner he is, set out to tune our French Connection’s APS Twin Turbo’d 350Z. His payment would be a free trip to France and tickets to the Monaco Grand Prix Formula 1 Race. Not familiar? It’s a big fucking deal. More to come on that later…My reason? I had a rotting credit with American Airlines that I refused to let expire this year…and frankly, I needed to fucking see this world. So off we went.

Destination – The French Riviera.

5-20-09, I spend two hours straight conversing with a drop-dead gorgeous British girl named Charlotte. I always had this thing for their accent, this British Airways flight from London assured that. She rocked, loved hip-hop and had a pretty good sense of humor. Her teeth were all in the right place too. Too bad I didn’t get an opportunity for that number. She was headed to Monaco. We ended up getting separated in customs anyway.

I now land in Nice, France’s Cote D’Azur Airport after layovers in Dallas and London. It’s at this point I immediately notice the smell of burning that France seems to have in the air. It’s terrible. Anywho, Cote D’Azur is a teeny, tiny airport that shoots out international flights, and domestics within France. It’s pretty unique. It reminds me of Burbank’s Bob Hope Airport, but with mini-baller shops, customs and international flights.

I’m fortunate enough to quickly grab my luggage. I call The French Connection (his real name is Charles) he’s on his way at this point. I kick it for about 45 mins or so. Not half bad.The time is about 6pm in Nice, the weather is very similar to California’s at this time of year – fucking perfect. He proceeds to rush in, get me and tell me about our rental…

It’s a 2009 Audi A3 Cabriolet 2.0TDI. We don’t get these in the U.S. Normally, I would say this is a car I wouldn’t be caught dead in, especially with another dude. Unfortunately, I had no choice at this point. Couldn’t we have gotten a gay ass euro-hatch? Whatcha know about two dudes, one little droptop. We looked about as straight as a circle together. Off we go storming down Le Promenade Des Anglais. It’s a gorgeous strip of asphalt that sits along the Mediterranean. Here you’ll see people jogging, sun bathing, walking…doing whatever.

 

From there, we basically proceed to go straight to drinking. The French Connection likes to frequent this place called Le Sun7 Cafe in Cannes. Quick French lesson for you folks, 7 is pronounced “set”…put the two together, The Sunset Cafe, kind of clever. Needless to say, I quickly find out why this guy frequents this joint. It’s a intimate little bar, with an extremely youthful vibe that stays up for MANY hours. It’s here I quickly learned about European’s love for being out fucking late. You can see in the link HERE how this place looks from the outside.

Needless to say this place gets rowdy. Decently priced drinks, if you even want to call it that coming from the US, good music…not a bad start to a trip. There’s alot that happened that night concerning this place, but I’ll touch on that, on another day. Bear in mind, this whole time The French Connection will NOT allow me to get Euros. I’m still stuck with US Dollars. He’s forced to foot the bill. We get thoroughly blitzed, and end up having to pull an all nighter, due to the fact that Mitch is arriving at 8:30 or so the following day. Definitely a start to a trip.

….definitely more to come in the next session folks!

My President is Chuck fucking Norris.

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 20, 2009 by circuitspec

If this is true, I’m packing my bags and heading to Texas…credit goes to google and my searching prowess…

It’s a rare moment in our lives when we wake up and something that looks like brilliant satire is as true as Chuck Norris’ ability to fly and slay dragons with a single round house kick, in 1294 A.D. If you don’t understand that statement, don’t ask. That’s just how powerful he is.

I hesitate to bring you this story because, when Chuck Norris is the president of our newly seceded state-turned-country, he might find out about it. Would you want to be on Chuck Norris’ bad side? But I continue because that’s just how dedicated to advancing the banner of truth in journalism and defying danger to bring information to you lovely people that I am (adding this to my resume).

Ahem.

Chuck Norris is running for president. So soon, you say? Didn’t we just have an election? What month is it? Well, that’s just the thing, there aren’t any official dates for the election of the president of Texas.

The idea came to him when he joked he should run in a discussion about his frustrations with the national government on Fox News’ “The Glenn Beck Show” recently. The concept apparently stuck, and he then used this quip as a headline on a piece he published Monday, the day before his 69th birthday, for World Net Daily, balancing somewhere between byline and battle cry.

The piece (which also popped up on Wonkette) uses a great deal of historical examples and contains an outline of a case for why it would be ok to express disagreement with certain policies through force and violence. Quotes from Founding Fathers highlight how far he believes our current government has strayed from their true intentions. His sincere desire for advancing conservative values and not bankrupting the country are evident, though he offers a rather extreme solution.

Though you might have thought the Republic of Texas murmurings were constrained to a few lone biker clubs or trailer-sized headquarters somewhere, Norris says the undercurrent of separatist fervor runs thicker than anyone knew,:
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* All Walks of Life Show up to Dallas’ Tax Day Tea Party

“Anyone who has been around Texas for any length of time knows exactly what we’d do if the going got rough in America. Let there be no doubt about that. As Sam Houston once said, ‘Texas has yet to learn submission to any oppression, come from what source it may.’”

To take this notion even further into the physical plane of reality, Norris and Beck are urging others to unite with them as well as “thousands of cell groups around the country” on March 13 at 5 p.m. ET, 4 p.m. CT and 2 p.m. PST, in “solidarity over the concerns for our nation.” They will host a live telecast, “We Surround Them,” and Beck’s Web site encourages anyone who agrees with 7 out of 9 listed principles to send in their photos, although what exactly they will do with them or what the content of the program will be was not made clear.